Tags: blogging

Everyone I Love Is Dead

Fic title: Do You Want the Truth or Something Beautiful?
Author name: “vampireifurita”
Artist name: “mulanreflection”
Genre: Gen, Wincest
Pairing: Dean/Sam, some background Castiel/Sam, Castiel/Crowley
Rating: R
Word count: 26,732
Warnings: horror, disturbing imagery, violence
Summary: After Sam sacrificed himself to save the world; Dean had gone to Lisa just as he’d been asked. Things had been just fine until he started hearing music that no one else could hear and things just go downhill from there. With no one to turn to, bear witness to man lost at sea, in the throes of grief and unexplainable music that haunts him much like the memories of his brother.
Link to fic:
Link to art: Beautiful Art This way

~It seems three years, or maybe four

Someone drops dead whom I adore

You love someone there will be grief

The kiss of death, lips of a thief. ~

He could barely bear to be there, at this now empty house, the piles of cars stacked in the yard. This used to be a hub for hunters of all creeds, an information center in the middle of the country. He had practically grown up here at times, had spent the summers of his childhood chasing Sam around the yard, playing with the dogs that used to wander the yard. Now there was nothing here. The house was long empty, and it’s resident given a hunter’s funeral. His ashes had been spread over the place where he had lived.

He wandered the yard with a tire iron and a can of gasoline, careful to pick out only the most deserving of cars for his wrath. The music coursing through him wasn’t helping to improve his mood. Fucking God had brought back an angel, but not Bobby? What kind of god was he that he forsook his most precious children? And what the fuck had happened to his soul? Had that bastard Crowley given it back to him? Or was he now burning in hell along with him?

Seeing a pretentious looking Cadillac he walked towards it. Testing out the feel of the tire iron in his hand, he took a swing at the front window. Glass shattered and flew into the air, a sharp and beautiful display of force. He swung at the hood, the doors, and the trunk. When he could no longer swing his arms, he grabbed the gas can and doused the poor thing. Looking on in satisfaction, he struck a match and let it burn.

Turning his back to the flames, he made his way out of the yard and to his baby. It was time that he made his way to her house.

Chapter 20


Yeah, I'm totally not focusing right now, so I figured I'd at least continue writing. :/

So here's the big news: I had two interviews. Woo. I had one last week on Thurs, and one on Wednesday this week. Both for k-12 music jobs. Both in super small towns in middle Illinois. So I wasn't really sure how that first one went, right? It was after all, my first interview ever. They were very professional, and I was all frazzled. Yeah, it probably didn't go that well. But I did get to hang with my cousin, which was awesome. She's great, and super understanding of all my crazy. So yeah. Interview. Then I got to visit my friend who's moving to Florida (luck girl!). It was nice to see her one last time before he big move. :)

This last interview went much better. I think it was partially the people. They were very pleasant and didn't seem to mind my general crazy. I thought it went well. I mean, I did the best I could really, so who knows? I'm sure I had my cons and my pros. Though I would like to say that it took like, three hours. Which is obscenely long. Granted, it was like two interviews at once (since I talked to both the elementary and high school principals). Did I mention super small school? Both schools are in one building. Tiny. But cute. They're supposed to have a really good music program, so I'm not holding my breath that I'll get the job.

The next big thing: BIGBANG '11. Yeah. I've had this idea in my head for about a year now (ever since season 5 ended). I have not written anything. I need 20,000 words by tomorrow at midnight. Yeah. So I started today. Which is ok by me, because I generally work well under pressure, but this is kind of insane. INSANE. .... right. Current status: 5000/20,000 words. Plot progress: not even at the meat of the story yet. Le Sigh. Odds of me finishing? 50/50? Who knows.

The only other thing I've got to say is that I'm taking the Gin to the vet... again. My little problem bunny. The poor thing has this giant sore or something right behind her ear. Its really ugly. I'm hoping its not something bad.... but I'm not freaking out too much, after all, the last time I brought her in b/c she had these bald spots turned out to be nothing, so here's to hoping this is just more of the same. Poor baby. :(
oh noes!

The things you learn

Today I was reminded of a few things. One: that at times I really love teaching. Two: some times I really hate teaching. Three: life is just freaking weird sometimes.

I've got a job subbing in the same class all week. Third graders. Known as "the class from hell." This class is so... awesome... that every sub before me has put in a specific request to never be put in that classroom again. They're... challenging. They talk and they talk and they talk and nothing stops them. They don't really behave for anyone but their regular teacher.

So here I am yesterday, my first day in the class and what happens? They were almost perfect. They stopped talking. They did their work. Even the specials didn't have a problem with them. They were awesome (and very much not in a bad way). It was nice. Really nice.

And then I came back today. .............. Yeah. Complete opposite. Talk talk talk talktalktalktalktalktalk............ OMG. Seriously. Then there was the delinquent. Who was gloriously absent Monday, was back today. And boy did he fight me every step of the way. Not doing his work, talking, noises, moving around, blatant disregard for authority, and just mean at times. And its like the rest of the class went insane. I don't even know. I'm still twitching.

Yeah. So teaching can be immensely rewarding and I love it to death a lot of the time, but then there are days like today where I end up wanting to just stop and not do this anymore. I really love teaching, and I know that everyday is different and every class is different and that its not all roses and sunshine, but really? Really? I almost think that I'm going to end up one of those teachers that burns out after a year or two. And I really don't want that, because I honestly love this, but I can't deal with days like today if they're going to be every day.

And so here I am, having a truly frustrating day, and I look at my phone on my way to my abreviated lunch (I sat with some of the kids while they had lunch because they wanted me to) and I look at my phone, and I've missed a call. Guess what? One of those millions of freaking applications I've been sending out got a hit! I now have my first interview!! For a k-12 job. Its rather exciting, and kind of ironic considering how much I was freaking disliking teaching not five minutes prior. Woo?  Life is just funny I guess. And that's a horrible cliche, but rather true.


What a crazy past three days. Wow. Where to start. Monday was my birthday. It was rather anti-climactic but it was nice to not do anything. I made myself a cake, which was awesome. We did go out for dinner, my parents and grandparents. The restaurant had a special on bottles of wine.... half price. So I got a nice rose. Everyone (except my dad had a little bit for a toast) but the rest of the bottle was mine. I am not ashamed to say I pretty much finished it on my own. It was my birthday. Then we went home for cake and my friend Jamie joined us for that. Was pretty nice.

Of course it would figure that I would get called in for work the next day. I was back with my little first graders so I was super excited. But the lesson plans got lost in the interwebs. So I winged it. That was an interesting experience. The only time I felt really insecure about it was after lunch. But everything went well and the kids were pretty well behaved so it was all good. It was just super stressful.

And today, we woke up under snow. They're saying its about a foot and a half, but we've got all this drifting. Its pretty insane. I'm posting pics since its nuts.

Ski Laufen

So yesterday I did my best impression of a snow bunny. My sister asked me to go snowboarding with her, and since its something I've been wanting to try I told her I'd totally do it.  .... I've never snowboarded before. My sister drove (mistake) in my car (luckily not a mistake) up to Wisconsin. We missed our turn, took a detour through Lake Geneva, had to double back (going East and we needed West) and nearly missed the turn onto the highway. Gotta love driving with my directionally challenged sister....

So we rented snowboards, and got half-day passes on the beginners hills (yay). My sister sucks as a teacher. According to her snowboarding was easier for her (I would like to say that she fell... a lot) than skiing, even though she was better at skiing. So I went with her on snowboarding. I hated it. Two feet strapped to one board? Not fun. It was hard to shuffle onto the conveyor belt, hard to stand, I couldn't turn at all, and I didn't like how fast I felt like I was going (down the bunny hill... stopping every few seconds... falling down a lot....). So I switched to skiis. I like skiis. Two feet, two boards, two poles. It felt much better than that freaking snowboard. Not as cool, but much better.

We took a few more runs down the bunny hill (in which I had issues turning, but as soon as my body realized I had to lean and turn with my knees I was alright) and then decided to go down the "Easy" Hill. I forgot about my irrational and sometimes paralyzing fear of falling through things (high things. Its not all about the height, its the fact that at any second something could give way and I would plummet to my death that freaks me out). I had some issues breathing and trying not to look down, or up... and closing my eyes made it worse. Not fun. But while the trip up was totally horrid, the trip down was fun. I didn't fall at all. I made successful turns and I stopped at the bottom (always good, especially since there was a little creek about oh thirty feet from the bottom of the hill and not stopping would have dropped you on that sucker). My sister apparently fell a few times on the way down. She asked if I was ok to go up again and I told her I would tough it out.

I have no idea how many times we went up and down, but we decided to take a break and warm up. We probably should have either not taken the break or called it quits. When we returned to the slopes, we did about four more runs. I fell on three of them, and my sister hit so hard on the third one that she said we were gonna call it quits. Poor baby. But she was opptimistic and wanted to see if she could go down without falling. She also said if she fell one more time that would be it. So we went once more. I had a painful wipeout coming round the curve thanks to trying to avoid some beginners (parents teaching little kid). Knocked my pole  into my wrist pretty bad. Was not cool. My sister, however, did not fall and was thusly happy. :) 

All in all, I had fun. Other than hating snowboards, and working through my fears (thanks chairlift of scaryness, seriously... there's nothing in front of you. One jolting stop and you'd fly to the ground....) it was pretty awesome. I had a good time, and discovered a love for skiing (even though I've been sort of interested in it for a long time). My poor sister though... poor thing was sore and is covered in bruises. Apparently it hurts to sit.


It is time for the annual baking of a million cookies. I have a list and all the supplies. I'm totally ready. Thing is either the cookie trays or the oven hate me. No matter what I do, I burn all my cookies.... Its like there's a conspiracy or something. Seriously. I know the oven runs a good 18 degrees hot, so I turned down the temp by 15 degrees (freaking runs in multiples of fives). Burnt cookies. I shorten cooking times: burnt and slightly uncooked cookies..... Rawr. Frustration is rampant. I have like 12 recipes to make and I'm having no luck. I'm thinking of taking a cookie break. Then turning it down by 20, and rotating them and putting in one tray at a time. Or something. I just want them to stop burning!!!! On the positive side though, the "black & white hearts" turned out really yummy and as soon as I have wax paper (I swear that was on the shopping list....) I will make a second yummy batch (1st batch only made 11 cookies which isn't even a dozen thanks to my giant heart shaped cookie cutter).

In other news, the Gin is on meds. Again. Seriously, my girls have been having such issues! First the Honey-bunny had a UT infection, then they got spayed, and now has the mysterious something that means she has bald spots on her knees/sides. So the poor thing is on meds for pain and to ward off infection. She hates meds. So I'm being sneaky with them. Meds in morning OJ, and then meds in a fruit smoothie at night since she won't take the meds all by their lonesome and I dislike scaring her for life by cornering her and shoving them down her throat. Poor baby. The vet and I don't even know why its happening, just that it isn't a parasite (mites, fleas). The Honey-bunny is fine though (yay) and is enjoying all the yummy non-drug-laced treats.

And just because: the bunnies attacking for food:



Now, while I understand that I am blogging myself right now, this is much different than what I've been doing for my C&I 212 class. Reading blogs = peachy, commenting on blogs = incredibly awkward. I never know what to say. And to top it all off, I can never seem to censure myself. And now I've gotten a response to my comment which was posted scant moments ago! Weird! I mean, I'm generally a lurker. I lurk, I read. I don't post replies, or post posts, it feels rather unnatural, and really I'm not talented enough or personable enough to really be accepted or responded to. Which is why I lurk. I have self-esteem issues and posting crap really doesn't help with them. Really. Which is why its so awkward to respond to these beautifully written, thought-out and researched blogs. I feel inadequate when I post my little opinionated responses that can often have nothing to do with the majority of the blog post anyway. The point of all this is that its all terribly frustrating and not very helping with my self-esteem problems.

As for other news, I miss my imagination. Its been about a half a year since I've had any real inspiration. I'm a creative person, and frankly its very unnerving to not be able to come up with anything interesting to write, or think about or anything. My mind's totally blank, and that scares me. I'm afraid that I may have lost my spark of creativity. I need that damn spark, it makes my world such a brilliant place, full of adventure and wonder. Without it... I got nothing but worries about assignments, lesson plans, and the occasional outing. And is it just me, or are there no real good fiction out there any more? I've found a few stories that have sparked a sliver of interest, but there's nothing really out there (minus one story that is GOD) that is terribly interesting or inventive. The only story that I have come to love and dread the end of is Short Stories With Tragic Endings (South Park, Style). That story is the best thing out there currently. There are no real GaaNaru, SasuGaa, or even GaiKaka out there. The later doesn't have a big following, so I'm not surprised about there being few good fics for it out in the interwebs. Though I have found the GOD of all fan-doujins on y!gallery for GaiKaka. Look for Sub Rosai, or Love You Madly (so much love for that universe and all its stories!). Yeah, so maybe its not just me who is losing the creativity. It sure seems that its contagious, and that I need some good literature to jump start my own imagination.