vampireifurita (vampireifurita) wrote,

  • Music:

I Grieve

Fic title: Do You Want the Truth or Something Beautiful?

Author name: vampireifurita

Artist name: mulanreflection

Genre: Gen, Wincest

Pairing: Dean/Sam, some background Castiel/Sam, Castiel/Crowley

Rating: R

Word count: 26,732

Warnings: horror, disturbing imagery, violence

Summary: After Sam sacrificed himself to save the world; Dean had gone to Lisa just as he’d been asked. Things had been just fine until he started hearing music that no one else could hear and things just go downhill from there. With no one to turn to, bear witness to man lost at sea, in the throes of grief and unexplainable music that haunts him much like the memories of his brother.


The alarm goes off at seven. She stirs and he can’t help but awaken. She kisses his forehead before getting out of bed, slippered feet barely making a sound on the carpeted floor. By eight fifteen he’s been lying on his side waiting for her to return and get dressed. She comes back to slip into her clothes and leaves him alone again. Eight thirty he’s in the shower and by nine he’s sitting on the front porch eating his breakfast. A tune he’s never heard before drifts through the air, catching his attention. It isn’t something that he would listen to, a world away from the hair metal that would fill his baby when he was on the road, but something about this song grabbed hold of him. Ears straining to catch the lyrics, he doesn’t even realize he’s leaning forward until he loses his balance. Quickly looking to make sure no one saw his slip, he goes back to eating his breakfast and listening for the mysterious music.

As he finishes his food, he realizes that he wouldn’t be hearing that music again, so he got up and went inside. When he gets to the kitchen, he turns on the radio, hoping to hear something that would catch his attention. All he gets is static. Sighing, he reaches up to turn off the radio when the static clears and that almost familiar tune he heard outside comes on loud and clear.

~It was only one hour ago, it was all so different then.

Nothing yet has really sunk in; it looks like it always did.

This flesh and bone, it’s just the way that we are tied in.

Now there’s no one home.

I grieve for you.

You leave me.

So hard to move on.

Still loving what’s gone.

They say life carries on, carries on and on and on and on…~

The dishes drop from his numb fingers, shattering on the floor. His hands tremble and his feet start backing him away from the counter. He bumps into the table, bruising his hip before turning and fleeing from the room. His feet carry him down the hall and out of the house, but the music follows him. It follows him out into the open air of the backyard, haunting him.

~The news that truly shocks is the empty, empty page.

While the final rattle rocks, its empty, empty cage.

And I can’t handle this.

I grieve for you.

You leave me.

Let it out and move on.

Missing what’s gone.

They say life carries on.

They say life carries on and on and on. ~

Stumbling over the lip of the porch he falls to the ground. The damp grass barley cushions his fall, staining his pants and shirt. He groans and curls up on his side. Surely he must be going insane if he’s hearing music without a radio or stereo. Maybe everything had finally caught up with him, all the repression finally torn his mind asunder. He clutches at his shirt, bringing the collar to his nose, taking in the scent that is even now starting to fade.

He looks at the sky, the clouds rolling overhead. The open air suffocating as he tries to breathe through the pain. His heart feeling like it will explode, the hammering in his head, and the clench of his hands.

His eyes slam shut as he focuses on breathing, not noticing that the music has stopped. In and out, he repeats in his head, counting the seconds between breaths.  Fingers uncurl from fabric and legs relax to a more natural position. His body uncurls from itself and flattens on the ground. Back flat on the grass, legs stretched out on the lawn, and he feels almost peaceful. Breathing comes naturally now, hardly the forced thing it was before, the panic dying down as the moments of silence stretch out longer.

Turning his head to the side he gazes unseeingly at the fence. His vision blurs and for a moment he could swear that someone was there, but when he blinks there is nothing to be seen, just the fence and his unfinished work. Rolling to his side he pauses before pushing to his feet, unsure if the music will start again and hoping it would not. When he gets to his feet, and no sound is to be heard, he sighs in relief. Perhaps he wasn’t insane just yet. It was all probably a figment of his imagination.

Smiling to himself, he reenters the house. He opens the hallway closet and pulls out the broom and dustpan. He walks to the kitchen and sets about cleaning up the mess he made in a fit of panic. He won’t tell her just what happened, it would make him seem unstable. He will just tell her that the dishes slipped when he saw something unbelievable through the window.

Sweeping up the debris, he empties the pan in the trash. Forsaking the garden for a bit longer, he decides to go on a walk as he puts away the broom and dustpan. Picking up the spare key from the bowl by the door, he heads outside, careful to lock the door behind himself.

The mid-morning sun is bright, and the birds are singing in the trees. It’s a beautiful day. It’s almost perfect. For a split second he forgets that he’s missing half of himself, and he feels guilty for even letting that moment occur. His neighbors wave to him as he passes by. Normal people were mowing normal lawns, walking their normal dogs, totally unaware of what had happened scarcely a month ago, unknowing of the terrible price that he had paid.

~Life carries on in the people I meet

In everyone that’s out on the street

In the dogs and cats

In the flies and rats

In the rod and the rust

In the ashes and the dust

Life carries on and on and on

Life carries on and on and on. ~

He began to run, trying in vain to escape the haunting melody in his mind. He turned around and went to the only shelter he had had for over thirty years.

Running into the open garage he pulled the tarp off of her. The keys were always in his pocket, as if waiting for some excuse to be put in the engine. Unlocking the door he slipped into the driver’s seat and started her up. Hastily looking in the rearview mirror, he backed out of the driveway. He put her in drive and started away from the house.

~It’s just the car that we drive in~

“Please just stop,” he whispered as he turned out of the residential area and into the countryside.

~A home we reside in.

The face that we hide in

The way we are tied in

And life carries on and on and on

Life carries on and on and on. ~

“Why is this happening to me?” he cried out as he pulled off to the side of the road. “What have I done? Why now?”

The door swung open and he stepped outside, eyes blown wide and hands shaking. “Why?” he asked as he slid down her slick black metal to the ground, burying his head in his hands. “I’m only doing what you asked me too…”

~Did I dream this belief?

Or did I believe this dream?

Now I can find relief

I grieve. ~

“You asked me to do this, didn’t you? I’m trying. It’s so hard without you…”

Chapter 2
Tags: big bang '11, do you want the truth or something beaut, fanfiction, supernatural

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