Fic title: Do You Want the Truth or Something Beautiful?
Author name: vampireifurita
Artist name: mulanreflection
Genre: Gen, Wincest
Pairing: Dean/Sam, some background Castiel/Sam, Castiel/Crowley
Word count: 26,732
Warnings: horror, disturbing imagery, violence
Summary: After Sam sacrificed himself to save the world; Dean had gone to Lisa just as he’d been asked. Things had been just fine until he started hearing music that no one else could hear and things just go downhill from there. With no one to turn to, bear witness to man lost at sea, in the throes of grief and unexplainable music that haunts him much like the memories of his brother.
~I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain, the only thing that’s real. ~
The door to the motel room smashed into the wall. He couldn’t bring himself to care. The wall ended up smeared with blood as he supported himself against it. He kicked the door shut and flicked on the light.
Perhaps that case hadn’t been his smartest idea, not that he was acting all that smart lately. He had felt the overwhelming need to go out, to do something with himself. He had thought that perhaps if he had gone back to what he had always done, that he would feel more like himself, instead he ended up feeling pain. Hazel eyes glared at him from the second bed as he passed, dripping blood on the carpet.
The bathroom was an obnoxiously bright white. Of course it was, the one time he paid for a good room, at a decent hotel, he ended up being unable to deal with the cleanliness. He instantly missed the filthy confines of every shithole motel he had ever had the unfortunate pleasure of staying in. This sanitized whiteness was doing nothing to soothe his raging nerves.
A figure stood in the doorway, hulking form blocking out the light from the main room. The deep seated disappointment radiating from the giant in the doorway washed over him, causing him to buckle over, grabbing onto the sink for support. Blood gushed from between his lips, splattering the sink with red. Droplets fell onto the linoleum covered floor; his fingers pushed the sticky red of his life over the counter. Lifting his eyes to the mirror to survey the damage to his face, his eyes caught on the torn and bloody figure standing behind him.
In comparison to the wounds on his brother’s body, he was perfectly healthy. His brother’s skin was torn and frayed, barely hanging on to his body in some places. Blood was pooling beneath his feet, spreading onto the linoleum floor of the bathroom. The life of his most precious person was oozing out of him at an alarming rate.
He whirled around to grab onto him, but there was nothing there. The swiftness of his movement disoriented him, and he collapsed on the floor. His ankle got wrenched in the fall, and the wound to his stomach stretched to new lengths.
~What have I become, my sweetest friend?
Everyone I know goes away in the end. ~
He chuckled, the music unbidden coming to him. Of course the music was coming to him. There was no way that the music would ever stop. He would be hearing these damned songs until the end of his days, and if he was lucky they wouldn’t follow him into the hereafter. It was inescapable, these vicious lyrics. No matter how far he went, no matter what he did, these songs continued to haunt him.
~And you can have it all, my empire of dirt
I will let you down, I will make you hurt. ~
She crossed his mind this time, the only time since he had left. He would leave it all to her, everything that he was. All his worldly possessions would be hers when he finally died. Knowing his luck, his mental state, and his general lack of self preservation, it wouldn’t be long before his baby was once again in her driveway, taking up space in her life. He had broken his promise (of course he had, a vicious part of himself snapped, if Sammy had really known him, he never would have suggested it) and had broken her heart. He had probably crushed her spirit, in his complete neglect, and he didn’t want to think about what he had done to the boy. That was all he was worth now, the pain of knowing him and the car he drove. His soul was in hell after all, nothing of his spirit remained in this empty world.
~If I could start again, a million miles away
I would keep myself, I would find a way. ~
Perhaps he could have found another way. Maybe there had been another option. If he had done something different, perhaps Sam would be here with him. If he had kept in touch when Sam had gone to Stanford, or if he had gone with his brother, then he would have never met Jessica, and she would have never burned on the ceiling of their apartment. If he hadn’t let his brother get brainwashed by that demonic bitch, if he hadn’t thrown away the amulet… there were just so many things he could have done differently. If he had made different choices, reacted differently to things, perhaps Sam would still be here.
His head thudded against the porcelain of the sink, focusing him on what was happening right that moment. He really couldn’t keep going like this. The memories alone would kill him, but the music was like pouring salt in his wounds. He couldn’t die, because then he would be in the same situation, the same pain for all of eternity. Then he had an epiphany and a plan was made.