Fic title: Do You Want the Truth or Something Beautiful?
Author name: vampireifurita
Artist name: mulanreflection
Genre: Gen, Wincest
Pairing: Dean/Sam, some background Castiel/Sam, Castiel/Crowley
Word count: 26,732
Warnings: horror, disturbing imagery, violence
Summary: After Sam sacrificed himself to save the world; Dean had gone to Lisa just as he’d been asked. Things had been just fine until he started hearing music that no one else could hear and things just go downhill from there. With no one to turn to, bear witness to man lost at sea, in the throes of grief and unexplainable music that haunts him much like the memories of his brother.
“Dean,” the angel had said. He had turned to look at him but he had kept the sight of his brother, his Sammy, in the corner of his eye. The angel surely noticed what he was doing, but didn’t say anything.
“What do you want Cas?” he asked a little testily. None of their visits has gone well, and to say that he was frustrated and at the end of his rope was an understatement. The angel frowned at him and sat in the seat opposite him, dispersing the Sam who had been sitting there. A scowl marred his face and he nearly growled at the clueless chump.
“I am concerned about your mental state, you are acting erratic and violent,” was the reply he got. Rolling his eyes he merely snorted in reply. “Dean, I know that you have been seeing Sam.”
That stopped him cold in his tracks. His whole body seized up, and his eyes narrowed at his companion. “You never answered my question the last time we met Cas.”
“You are changing the subject.”
“Of course I’m changing the subject you butt monkey. I’m not talking about this.”
“Dean, how are we supposed to help you if you don’t tell us what is going on?” the angel asked. His frown deepened, clearly the angel didn’t know of his slip up.
“We?” he questioned. The angel paled.
“I…” he started to explain.
“I don’t want to hear your excuses Cas, who the hell is we?” he demanded. Cas flinched away from him, recoiling from the acid in his voice.
“I have entered an agreement with another supernatural being,” the angel hedged. Narrowing his eyes further, he continued to stare, forcing the angel to confess his sins. “… Crowley. I am Crowley’s partner.”
“Crowley?!” he shouted, uncaring of the attention it drew from the other patrons at the diner. “The fucking King of the Crossroads Crowley?!”
“Yes,” Cas affirmed. He sneered at the so called angel.
“I can’t believe you made a deal with that rat bastard!” he seethed. Cas frowned at the insult.
“I made an agreement with him for Bobby’s soul, and so that this world could return to what it was before. You have no idea what is going on in heaven or in hell,” Cas accused him.
“Why the fuck would I care about that shit?” he retorted, ignoring the first part of Cas’ confession.
“Dean, I know that you are hurting right now, and I know that your defense is to lash out at anyone who confronts you, but please listen to me,” the angel pleaded, suddenly looking as young as a man fresh out of high school. He was taken aback by the sight. “I’m afraid that you are starting to lose touch with reality. Whenever I look in to check on you, you’re talking to someone who is not there. Every room you have stayed in has had two beds. Your eyes are constantly searching, or rolling into the back of your head. We were friends once, I would help you through this if you would let me.”
Anger built towards the well meaning angel. He wasn’t insane, he wasn’t losing touch with reality, and he certainly wasn’t looking for something that wasn’t there.
“Fuck you Cas,” was what he said. “I don’t want your damned sympathy. I’ve been doing just fine on my own.”
The angel looked terribly sad. He got up, dropping money on the table and started to walk away. A hand reached out and latched onto his arm.
“I loved Sam too Dean, he wouldn’t want you to suffer this way, he told you that,” the angel said softly. He was floored for a moment.
“Loved Sam? You? How… I don’t understand. What do you mean you loved Sam?” he asked, turning bewildered eyes to the seated angel. Castiel furrowed his brow and seemed to contemplate his words carefully.
“In my own way I have always been in love with your brother. He was never what I was told he was, and his faith in my father, you and I never faded, not even when we all had forsaken him,” the angel said, his eyes glued to the table. His heart broke a little for him then, this angel with the weight of many worlds on his shoulders.
“I’m sorry Cas, I know I’m losing it, and I know you’re only trying to help, but I just can’t do what he asked of me, I can’t just forget everything that I was, everything that I am,” he said. The angel looked at him sadly, piteously.
“I am merely trying to help Dean; we have an offer we would like you to think about.”
The anger resurged in Dean. “You mean a deal with that fucking demon?! Fuck you Cas! I don’t want the help of a demon, I’d think you would understand that, but apparently you’re bending over backwards for him!”
Cas flushed before his face went even more stony than anything Dean had ever seen from him before. “I do not appreciate the tone you’re taking with me Dean. I am more powerful than you can even imagine, and I think you might do well to remember what I am.”
“Clearly your some angel pawn in Crowley’s fucking scheme! I don’t know what the fuck he promised you, but it wasn’t worth it. You sold your soul to a demon Cas,” Dean hissed. He could feel the weight of all the eyes in the diner on them.
“I am not the one who did that Dean.” Dean flinched at the barb. “I know that Crowley is using me, and I am using him in return. Do not think me a fool.”
“You are one if you’re working with him. You know what? Fuck you Cas. I don’t care why you’re doing it, and I don’t give a crap about your pity. I’m doing just fine without you.” Were his final words to the angel who had pulled him out of hell and followed him through the apocalypse.
As he stormed outside of the diner, leaving Castiel behind, he was joined by his phantom brother.
“That wasn’t the nicest thing you’ve ever done,” he pointed out. Sighing he ignored the comment and continued walking to the car. “Don’t want to talk to me? Fine, then perhaps you would prefer the company of the music that tortures you so.”
Head snapping up, his brother was long gone. Through the window of the diner he could see Castiel. The angel was sitting under a florescent light, and it gave him an almost ethereal glow. As he watched, and as the music started to drum in his head, the suave demon dressed all in black sat beside the angel of the lord. Cas was sitting a little slouched, and as he watched Crowley gestured to the waitress for a drink and slid his arm around Cas’ shoulders. The angel was in league with a demon and he just didn’t care anymore.
~I see a red door and I want to paint it black
No colors anymore, I want them to turn black. ~
“You’re freaking ruining the Rolling Stones,” he complained to the open air before slipping into the Impala. He peeled out of the parking lot and off down the road, the colors of the day fading into the black of night. “Freaking poignant.”
People lined the side of the highway, familiar faces that he had never quite forgotten over the years. People who he hadn’t been able to save, people whose lives he had ended by not being quick enough, not being smart enough, not acting soon enough. At the edge of the road, before he was to enter the interstate all he saw were his family’s faces. His father, lost all those years ago to spare his own life, his mother who had burned for his brother, and Sam who was being torn to shreds so that the world could live.
“Let it burn,” he muttered, no longer swayed by the fates of billions. “We should have let it burn.”
Cars filled with happy people singing jovially to the radio, children playing in the back seats of cars, teenagers making out with the top down as they sped to the next party flew by him. He quickly turned off the interstate but didn’t realize his mistake until it was too late.
The busy metropolitan area screamed of busy, contented people. Mothers and their children walked hand in hand down the sidewalks, young couples had their hands in each other’s pockets, and an old couple was huddled together on a bench, waiting for a bus to pick them up.
~I look inside myself and see my heart is black. ~
He suddenly hated these people. He hated that everyone in the world was happy but him, he hated that the one person who had deserved this happiness the most was suffering for all of eternity, while the god he had unerringly believed in did nothing to save him. It didn’t matter anymore, none of this mattered anymore. Nothing mattered. Let it all burn, let it be painted black.